I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just threw up on my dentist
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
