i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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