He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
