i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
