he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
