a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
