i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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