Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
