dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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