I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
