ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
