you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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