why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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