I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
