ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
