it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
