I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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