Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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