the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
