This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
