i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
