i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
