I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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