I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
