I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
