Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I party with great urgency now.
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