You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
