After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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