would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
