Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
