Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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