i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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