I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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