When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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