a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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