just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
