So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
