i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
