Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
