Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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