She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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