i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
