we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
