My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
where am i from again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
