I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
