Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man

(423): View more from Tennessee

1:48 am: your uglier

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(734): View more from Michigan

cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

(630): View more from Illinois

if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

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(785): View more from Kansas

First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

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(586): View more from Michigan

from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

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(907): View more from Alaska

Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths

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(517): View more from Michigan

can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.

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