Kiss
Puke
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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