all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
