it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
