i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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