I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
